Seven Christmas Questions You Never Thought To Ask
The holidays are finally upon us. Are you exhausted? Of course you’re exhausted. So let’s answer some weird questions.
1. Is it true Christmas was once a criminal event?
Christmas is not the most important holiday in the Christian calendar. It doesn’t even make the top five. In fact, the Puritans once made celebrating Christmas a criminal offense (anyone skipping work or putting up decorations was arrested or possibly beaten), and in Massachusetts, the holiday was labeled a “pagan abomination” until 1681.
In the 1800s, however, merchants began realizing it would be nice if they could force people to leave their homes and buy stuff during the colder months. So they lobbied Charles Dickens to write a story about Christmas ghosts, and promised to buy ads in magazines that publicized Santa. And, voila, Christmas — and Christmas shopping — was born.
2. Was Santa inspired by psychedelic shrooms?
One popular theory holds the concept of Santa Claus was inspired by the Sámi people (Europe’s only recognized indigenous group) when, centuries ago, Sámi leaders would use Amanita Muscaria mushrooms — known for their festive red and white caps, and powerful hallucinogenic properties — during religious ceremonies. Because these leaders often dressed in red, and the Sámi people had domesticated reindeer, some researchers figured: Santa! (Sámi scholars say that Sámi winter traditions were actually grim rituals meant to ward off a dangerous spirit called the stállu, which sounds like less fun.)
3. Okay, this is getting weird. I love Santa. I don’t have to worry about some dark underbelly of St. Nick, right?
Wrong. Santa’s into all kinds of strange. In America, he’s known as a jolly figure who breaks into children’s homes to steal baked goods. But elsewhere, Santa is more like an overweight Batman. In Austria and Germany, he battles Krampus, who kidnaps and beats naughty children. In mid-Europe he fights Perchta, a ‘fearsome hag’ who disembowels lazy children. Icelandic tots leave out cookies for the Yule Cat, which eats anyone who doesn’t wear new clothes for the holiday. And then there’s the Belsnickel, beloved among Brazilians, the Pennsylvania Dutch and Dwight Schrute, who might give you a piece of candy or might beat you with a tree branch, depending on how it feels. (And thereby offering children some very confusing moral lessons.)
4. But the presents! Everyone loves presents! What does science say about which presents are best?
When surveyors ask people about the best gifts they ever received, the replies are surprisingly consistent: The most treasured presents are personal gestures that show deep attention. For instance, handwritten lists of memories, handmade cards, framed photographs or a recording of a loved one sharing a story all rank high. (Here’s a book that makes doing all that easier.) People also fondly remember gifts that are nicer than something they would buy ourselves, like a great coffee maker we would love to own (but would feel guilty purchasing for ourself). Or, if you are feeling really extravagant, you can give someone a giant gorilla statute that doubles as a comfortable seat. (On sale for just $2,999!)
Or, of course, you could always give away wonderful books on habits or communication.
5. What are the worst presents?
Oh, there’s lots of terrible presents out there:
“For a Secret Santa at work, I got a used candle.”
“A box of menstrual pads. The old-fashioned ones that attach front and back to a special type of belt.”
“Last year my mother gave me an illustrated guide to building tree houses. I’m 40.”
“A CD player. I’m deaf.”
6. What was the most expensive Christmas present ever?
In 2010, the government of Abu Dhabi gave Dubai a 43 foot tall Christmas tree adorned with 181 pieces of jewelry. The estimated value of the baubles was over $11 million.
Although this was certified by Guinness World Records as “The Most Expensive Christmas Tree In History”, it’s a bit odd, since both the giver and the recipient are Muslim nations. Also, the tree basically looked like ... a big tree. (Jewels, it turns out, don’t stand out much when arranged on enormous branches.)
7. Okay. Christmas can be strange. But it’s a wonderful time to see friends and family. How do we spice that up?
White Elephant chaos can be great. But another alternative is musical-chairs gift exchange, where everyone sits in a circle with a wrapped gift, passes it along as music plays, and then keeps whatever they’re holding when the music stops. It is absolutely guaranteed that your seven year-old nephew will get grandma’s new nightgown.
Alternately, you can prove to your younger relatives how “hip” and “with it” you are by jumping on some TikTok trends. One is the “Immersive Warmup” challenge, where everyone has to follow the instructions in a slightly psychotic video to receive their gifts (very popular among tweens and people enthusiastic about Santa’s psychedelic origins). There’s also the “Say the Word Beat” challenge where you shout out words on a confusing video while teaching your kids about the Stroop Effect (less psychotic, more fun, certain to eventually drive parents crazy.)
And, if all else fails, you can also watch the Greatest Christmas Movie Of All Time. (“Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.”)
I hope, no matter where you are or what holidays you celebrate, that you have a wonderful, relaxing and restorative end of the year. We’ll be back soon with more newsletters. I’d love to hear about your winter plans — just hit reply, and I promise I’ll read what you send.
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Mystery solved on why our parents would give us new pajamas on xmas eve! Wasn't a big fan of the pajamas, but my aunt sold Avon and we'd get old spice aftershave and life savers in little books - that I remember liking very much.